What love is

We had such a great RS meeting at church tonight.

A panel of 4 couples came to speak:
Sheree and Frank Gaughan- married 27 years
Jo and Lyman Clark - married 64 years
Don and Bonnie Higginson - married 64 years
Barbara and Steward Nielson - married 54 years

I love each one of these couples. It was so great to hear them share some of their advice and experience in these lasting marriage relationships. It was definitely a theme of the evening that marriage has ups and downs but the important thing is that you're committed to stay together and no matter what tumult is going around around you, the marriage is always the most important and undisputed unit.

Here are some highlights from each couple that stood out to me and a note about how much I love and admire each couple individually!

Clarks - quite possibly my favorite couple of all time. Bishop Clark was my bishop as a child and there has never been anyone as Bishopish as he is. He is warm and kind and loves everyone. Jo is grace. She is thoughtful and everything about her is lovely. I worked at their stationary store for a year after mom died.  Lyman and Jo were the first people outside of my dad and I to know that mom had cancer. The day we found out we went to their house for advice and a blessing. They are people near and dear to my heart.
-always have something on the calendar to look forward to together. even if it is simple like going out for a hamburger, have something you're planning to do together
-commitment is vital.
- Jo is steadfast
-Lyman an all start basketball player at the U
- opened the stationary store when kids were grown and worked together for 19 years
- you don't have to spend every waking moment together.
-1. Unity on essential things 2. freedom on non-essentials 3.charity in everything else 4. the wisdom to know the difference between the essentials and non-essentials

Gaughans -Awesome couple. Frank is so gentle and soft spoken and kind. Sheree is  a fireball and always on the go. They  look out for their family and everyone around them.
-There is NO back door.
- date night important, even if it is putting kids to bed early and doing a movie or game night at home.
-when you have tough things you're going through resist the temptation to look for someone to blame. Don't blame each other.Work together through challenges.


Higginsons - Such sweethearts.  Obviously they have been through a lot together and put each other first. Don was a military man and gone on boats for 6-12 months at a time leaving Bonnie alone with the children. She was strong and supportive. They are such sweethearts to each other. Don is always extra kind to me (and probably everyone). They have offered to come babysit so Dave and I could go out if we ever feel we need a date night.
- Friday night dates are essential, even if they are simple. make the time and get out and just be together
- pray together every night. there are things you can say in prayer that you can't really discuss other ways
- every day try to think of something nice to do for your spouse. It could be as simple as bringing something home
- find activities that you can do together and also maintain hobbies separate from your spouse
-work out your problems within the marriage - do not go to family or other sources for help, learn to work things out together
- Bonnie said she heard this advice once... Fight naked. If you're young passion will take over. If you're old, you just laugh at each other!!! :)


Nielsons - Stewart is our home teacher. I love having him come teach us. He NEVER misses a month. If an appointment can't be made he at least drops off a pizza or treat. He always brings a well prepared lesson. Sometimes it's for me, sometimes for the kids. Barbara and Steward lived in the same apartment that Dave and I did at Ohio state. They lived there about 40 years before we did and I don't think the apartments had been renovated since they had left!  They had a long road of training with a Masters and PhD. Stewart is an ambitious and successful man and since their journey is somewhat similar to ours they are very understanding of our stage of life.  Barbara is feisty and spunky and honest. They are both great people.
- Barbara has a stack of cards she's saved from Stewart over the years. He never forgets an occasion and writes her a nice card for each one.
-I loved Stewart's description of why Barbara is the perfect spouse: she keeps a great house, she's a great cook and she's a great lover. ((AT this statement he was interrupted with ooohhs and the moderator rang the bell to move on - however I think it is a profound lesson in what is important to a man in marriage).
-No problem should ever disrupt the core of the marriage. Even if you have to spend a night on the couch, or disagree or whatever, no thing can enter the core of the vital commitment and importance of marriage. You should not let anyone or anything into that core.