Sunday talks

Dave and I were asked to give talks today. Here's mine. My topic was a video found here

This talk is much longer than the one I gave. I wasn't sure how much time I'd have so I  made the talk super long and just figure I'd stop when I used up my time. I also  added a few things  last minute.

Talk August 23, 2014

Met at BYU freshman year in 1997

Dave mission to Italy

I finished school

Dave finished school in Chemical Enginnering I got MS in cell biology

Ohio state – med school 4 years, I taught CC there

San Diego  for residency for 7 years

Happy to be in Houston for fellowship

4 kids – Calvin, Clare, Alexey , JoAnne 

With our oldest we have gained a lot of experience in the realms of special education, glasses &patching, medicines, epilepsy, surgeries – ear tubes, tonsils, cranialfacial.  I mention these things only because if you have experience in these areas we may be able to help each other. It takes some time to get to know people well enough to know special circumstances and I thought I’d get a jump start on that since we’re here for a short time.

Bishop Grant asked us to speak on education. Between the two of us, Dave and I have had a combined 25 years of college or post graduate education! At first I felt like it was a good topic for us as we do have some experience in this area. However, we were not asked to speak about college education.   The education that I am speaking about yields no diploma or degrees, does not add letters, titles or accolades. An education where you don’t get graded each semester, take exams or defend a thesis.

The Bishop asked me to direct my comments to teaching and learning in the home. Mastery of this subject will require a lifetime of practice and will more likely than not reward us with wrinkles and grey hair!  And if we are faithful we will also be blessed with the joy that comes from obedience, a testimony of our Savior and the fruits of the spirit which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.”

Let me say at the outset of this talk that I am not well qualified. At best I have 11 years of experience but I feel like it took me the first 10 to realize what I want to do. Now I’m trying to put it into practice! I am teaching of the ideal, what we should all strive for.  I don’t want you to feel like I’m preaching to you about something I do perfectly!  In fact, I feel very unqualified to teach on this topic based on my own experience. But, I will do my best to teach what the prophets have taught in the hope that we will all be able to improve.

There was recently a church wide training on the topic of teaching and learning in the home. A 10 minute video was released. I wish I could just show you the video instead of speaking!  Since I can’t I’ll share a few thoughts from the video and encourage you to go home and watch the video. You can find it on LDS.org

The video is a discussion with Elder Holland and Elder Christofferson of the quarem of the 12, Sister Oscarson YW genera president, Sister Wixam Primary general president, Sister Burton – relief society general president, Elder Beck Young men general president and Bishop Gary Stevensen, presiding bishop of the church.

Elder Holland starts the discussion describing Christ as the master teacher. He spent most of his ministry teaching. And yet none of that teaching was done in a church building. His teaching was out where the people were. It was in highways and byways, hillsides and seashores and in homes.   In the church we need to think that way a little more, continued Elder Holland.  Quoting Elder Holland, “None of us are minimizing the in chapel, in meeting house teaching, we’ve done that all our lives, but we’d like it to be 24/7 out in the lives we’re living.”

Study at home is not to prepare for Sunday meetings, rather it is the other way around!

Bishop Stevenson taught “the church’s teaching, programs and activites are home centered and church supported. The primary places of teaching and learning is the home. When learning and teaching are centered in the home, they carry the power that can lead to conversion.

We teach to the ideal and while we hope this is the case, we know that it may not always be so and that is why we want the church teaching to be the best it can be.

As the discussion continued there were a few points that stood out to me.  When we study the gospel in our homes,  who is the teacher and who is the learner?  Are we not all learning together? As we pray, read scriptures and discuss the gospel together we all learn from each other, even a small child can teach his parents.

As parents and grandparents we should think of ourselves as learners, not only teachers.  We are all learning the gospel together. I like this idea. It takes some of the pressure off us if we realize that we’re all learning together.  In Doctrine and Covenants D&C 88:119 we are instruction to “organize yourselves, prepare every needful thing; and establish a house of prayer, a house of fasting a house of faith, a house of learning….

If we create a house of learning, we can let the spirit do the teaching.

With this in mind, I’d like to highlight two points:

First: How do we create a house of learning?

Second: Why is it so important that we teach in the home?

First: create a house of learning:  We’ve been taught repeatedly at general conference the importance of holding regular family home evening, family prayer and scripture study. It is not always easy to do these things. Sometimes I feel like gathering the family togeher and trying to have a spiritual moment actually causes more stress than going without. However, we should not be discouraged or give up if each of these experiences isn’t as wonderful as we planned! Elder Bednar shares some insight about his experience holding FHE with his young family in a talk from April 2009.

Quote:

As our sons were growing up, our family did what you have done and what you now do. We had regular family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Now, I am sure what I am about to describe has never occurred in your home, but it did in ours.

Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.

Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.  End of quote

A few years ago when it came time to set goals at the beginning of the year, I decided to have one goal that I could do perfectly. I picked holding FHE each week, without fail. I figured that with a weekly goal, rather than a daily goal there was no reason I could fall behind or have an excuse not to make it happen. Prior to this goal we did have FHE sometimes but there were also many weeks when it fell through the cracks.  Dave was almost never home in the evening and I had 2 toddlers and a baby at home. It seemed like it wasn’t even worth it as most of the time we’d have to quite ½ way through anyway.

Once I set my mind to having it and put some effort into planning age appropriate lessons and activities I found that things went a little more smoothly. Also, since FHE was on my mind, if I read a good conference talk that week or a scripture I’d write it down so I could share it at FHE.  That year we had almost perfect FHE, only missing a couple of weeks when we were out of town. In the years that followed it was easier to keep up once the habit was established. Now the kids expect FHE and heaven help us if we try to skip a week. They will make sure it happens. My cute Clare, age 8, often finds a lesson or an article from the friend to share. The kids also love picking Mormon messages videos to watch. They practice hymns on the piano so that they can accompany as we sing songs.   Having weekly FHE has been a huge blessing in our family. It isn’t always perfect. We still have fights, crying, and everything you’d expect in a normal family gathering but overall it is a good experience and it feels good to know we are being perfectly obedient in that one thing.

As parents it is easy to get overwhelmed with pressure about all we feel we need to do…keep a perfectly clean home, create Pinterest worthy meals, crafts, hairdos and decorations. Provide opportunities for our kids to learn fine arts, play sports and maintain high academic standards.

  But if we keep focused on what is most important and keep moving forward in the right direction we will make measurable progress over the years. "by Small and simple things great things are brought to pass.

I love how President Hinckley was always so encouraging. At one conference at the general relief society meeting, he said,"And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start now, whether your child be six or 16."  End of quote

Where ever you are at today. Commit to doing a little better!

At the most recent general conference Sister Reeves, second counselor in the general relief society presidency taught: Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

We were trying to do these things, but they were not always the priority and, amidst the chaos, were sometimes neglected. We changed our focus and tried not to worry about the less-important things. Our focus became to talk, rejoice, preach, and testify of Christ by striving to daily pray and study the scriptures and have weekly family home evening.

A friend recently cautioned, “When you ask the sisters to read the scriptures and pray more, it stresses them out. They already feel like they have too much to do.”

Brothers and sisters, because I know from my own experiences, and those of my husband, I must testify of the blessings of daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. These are the very practices that help take away stress, give direction to our lives, and add protection to our homes. Then, if challenges strike our families, we can petition the Lord for help and expect great guidance from the Spirit, knowing that we have done what our Father has asked us to do.

Brothers and sisters, if these have not been practices in our homes, we can all begin now. If our children are older and refuse to join us, we can start with ourselves. As we do, the influence of the Spirit will begin to fill our homes and our lives and, over time, children may respond.

In addition to these formal teaching moments there are also times for sharing testimony and teaching truth with our kids and others which are less formal. It might be when we are sitting around the table after school eating snack, might be in the car, or when someone shares a trial they are going through.  It is in these moments we are able to apply gospel principles in daily life.

Whether we are parents, grandparents, aunt/uncle or friend we can make a profound difference in someone’s life if we watch for these moments.

Elder Scott shares great story about the power of example and sharing testimony

When I was a young child, my father was not a member of the Church and my mother had become less active. We lived in Washington, D.C., and my mother’s parents lived 2,500 miles (4,000 km) away in the state of Washington. Some months after my eighth birthday, Grandmother Whittle came across the country to visit us. Grandmother was concerned that neither I nor my older brother had been baptized. I don’t know what she said to my parents about this, but I do know that one morning she took my brother and me to the park and shared with us her feelings about the importance of being baptized and attending Church meetings regularly. I don’t remember the specifics of what she said, but her words stirred something in my heart, and soon my brother and I were baptized.

Grandmother continued to support us. I remember that anytime my brother or I was assigned to give a talk in church, we would call her on the telephone for some suggestions. Within a few days a handwritten talk would arrive by mail. After some time her suggestions changed to an outline requiring more effort on our part.

Grandmother used just the right amount of courage and respect to help our father recognize the importance of his driving us to the church for our meetings. In every appropriate way, she helped us to feel a need for the gospel in our lives.

Most importantly, we knew Grandmother loved us and that she loved the gospel. She was a marvelous example! How grateful I am for the testimony she shared with me when I was very young. Her influence changed the direction of my life for eternal good.

I witnessed another example a few years ago when I was lucky enough to be in the home of my friend, Karen, a wonderful mother of 7 kids!  Karen’s oldest was 18 years and her youngest was 18 months and just started nursery. On Friday March 7^th, little 18 month old Erin died in a tragic accident.   In the days that followed as you would expect there was a flow of family into town, a beautiful funeral and several days of family being together to support each other. The kids missed several days of school. A week or two after the funeral I was in the home as their 6^th grader came to her mother very worried about a math test she had the next day.  She had fallen a little behind. When she asked her mom what to do, I fully expected her mother would help her get the test moved back or find some way to get the help she needed considering the special circumstances.  However, when Claire asked for help, her mother simply said, "why don’t you pray about it?"   What a beautiful teaching moment. To me, this was more powerful than 100 Family home evenings about prayer.  It was a unforgettable lesson that God cares and God helps us when we pray.  In moments when our kids need help, we can answer with principles of the gospel which will guide them.

A second point I'd like to discuss is Why is teaching in the home so important?

President Monson said, "The lessons learned in the home are those that last the longest. 

In the bible dictionary under the word temple it says "a temple is literally a house of the Lord….a place where the Lord may come, it is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.  What about the home makes it sacred?  One dictionary defines sacred as "belonging to or dedicated to God; worthy of reverence;

**this is where I stopped in sacrament meeting***

Sister Klien a professor at BYU spoke at devotional and said, "Apply this idea of sacred to everyday activites in your home such as mealtime, music, recreation, laundry and caring for your home and yard. Mundane activities can have a higher purpose.  She goes on to say that everyday events in our home can seem so simple that we overlook their importance – like the children of Israel who were smitten by a plague of snakes. To be healed they had to just look at the brass serpent on a pole, but because it was so simple, many did not do it. "Because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.

The work we do in the home will be the most important of our life. President Hinckley said," You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be,How well have my children done?"

One other important, perhaps even the most important reason to teach in our homes is because we are told to. If we want the Lord's blessings in our lives, we must be obedient. President Monson taught "the great test of this life is obedience."  At conference last year president Monson gave a wonderful talk about obedience.  He shares the story of two faithful men. I will read it in his words:  Walter Krause was a steadfast member of the Church who, with his family, lived in what became known as East Germany following the Second World War. Despite the hardships he faced because of the lack of freedom in that area of the world at the time, Brother Krause was a man who loved and served the Lord. He faithfully and conscientiously fulfilled each assignment given to him.

The other man, Johann Denndorfer, a native of Hungary, was converted to the Church in Germany and was baptized there in 1911 at the age of 17. Not too long afterward he returned to Hungary. Following the Second World War, he found himself virtually a prisoner in his native land, in the city of Debrecen. Freedom had also been taken from the people of Hungary.

Brother Walter Krause, who did not know Brother Denndorfer, received the assignment to be his home teacher and to visit him on a regular basis. Brother Krause called his home teaching companion and said to him, “We have received an assignment to visit Brother Johann Denndorfer. Would you be available to go with me this week to see him and give him a gospel message?” And then he added, “Brother Denndorfer lives in Hungary.”

His startled companion asked, “When will we leave?”

“Tomorrow,” came the reply from Brother Krause.

“When will we return home?” asked the companion.

Brother Krause responded, “Oh, in about a week—if we get back.”

Away the two home teaching companions went to visit Brother Denndorfer, traveling by train and bus from the northeastern area of Germany to Debrecen, Hungary—a substantial journey. Brother Denndorfer had not had home teachers since before the war. Now, when he saw these servants of the Lord, he was overwhelmed with gratitudethat they had come. At first he declined to shake hands with them. Rather, he went to his bedroom and took from a small cabinet a box containing his tithing that he had saved for years. He presented the tithing to his home teachers and said, “Now I am current with the Lord.Now I feel worthy to shake the hands of servants of the Lord!” Brother Krause told me later that he had been touched beyond words to think that this faithful brother, who had no contact with the Church for many years, had obediently and consistently taken from his meager earnings 10 percent with which to pay his tithing. He had saved it not knowing when or if he might have the privilege of paying it.

Brother Walter Krause passed away nine years ago at the age of 94. He served faithfully and obediently throughout his life and was an inspiration to me and to all who knew him. When asked to fulfill assignments, he never questioned, he never murmured, and he never made excuses.

Third, what should we teach in the home. President Hinckley outlined some important things to teach our children. 

Teach them to seek good friends, teach them to value education, teach them to respect their bodies, teach them to avoid illegal drugs as they would the plague, teach them to be honest, teach them to pray.