When we started a seven year residency in San Diego, that basically felt like we'd be there forever. As we moved into the 6th year of residency I starting wishing I could slow down time, even if it meant we'd be in residency forever, because we had such a great time in SD. Alas, it came time to start thinking about fellowship. It was two years ago that Dave started interviewing for fellowship positions. There are about 10-15 fellowships in pediatric neurosurgery around the country. The top spot is in Boston, Toronto has long been held as one of the best, Texas Children's is the largest in the country, CHOP (Philadelphia) is the top ranked children's hospital in the country. Then there's Memphis, affiliated with St. Judes cancer center which has great research opportunities with tumors....and many other strong programs. Dave started shopping around for what he wanted and meanwhile I started trying to figure out what would work best on the home front in terms of cost of living, special education and general comfort for the family. Dave set up his rank list (mostly based on prestige of the hospital) and I set up my rank list (mostly based on availability of sp. ed schools and cost of living).
There were definitely some concerns about programs Dave loved which wouldn't have great schools for Calvin (Houston), or absolutely nothing for him (memphis) and cities I wanted to live in which would not have been as great for Dave. It was also difficult to get a totally clear picture of what fellowship would be like, how it would effect Dave's future job hunt/resume and how life would be in each city. It was hard to know for sure which cities would be "calvin friendly". I realized it was impossible to take all things into consideration with our limited knowledge and starting hoping/praying that Heavenly Father would help us out.
In addition to our limited knowledge there were a couple of huge factors which moved the decision out of our control. #1 It was the most competitive year in the history of neurosurgery for applying to pediatric neurosurgery fellowship. Dave was up against some of the best residents in the country. In some years past only 5-10 residents would apply for the 20 spots, so everyone would be guaranteed to match and at a good solid program. Not the case this year, or the year previously, which still had some unemployed graduates. #2 It was a MATCH system. Dave would turn in a rank list and then it'd be a computer that ultimately spits out the answer of where we'd go.
About this time a couple of important things came into play. #1 San Diego started talking to Dave about offering him a job and wanting him to get training in epilepsy while in fellowship. This changed a little bit about what he was looking for, although to be totally honest he was still very excited about the idea of going to one of the premier hospitals. Seattle, Miami and Houston had probably the best epilepsy exposure. #2. I read a book "My Heroes Ask Wallflowers to Dance" by Jennifer Sabin Sattley. In her book she talks about the faith of her parents, raising 3 kids with a deadly disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and how they remained positive and hopeful. Gary Sabin has fasted every Sunday since 1984 for a cure for CF. This blew me away on many levels. For one, it had never occurred to me to fast every Sunday. I thought I had obeyed the law of the fast to fast on fast Sunday, or on special occasions for a specific cause, give money for fast offering and that was it. It hadn't occurred to me that I could do much more. Also, I was completely blown away by the faith of this father in believing that an incurable disease could be cured. Essentially, he was fasting for a miracle.
I decided that if fasting weekly was a way to get more blessings then I'd do it. Now I realize that this isn't for everyone. Some people are nicer, read more scriptures, pray more, attend the temple more... There are so many ways to reach out to God, to knock on His door, and let Him know you are there. Some are things we strive for every day. Some are things we make goals for to improve. I just chose this one as I felt I was ESPECIALLY in need of lots of blessings. My prayer for the year was this, "Heavenly Father, please help us to match a good fellowship..one that will be good for Dave professionally and one where our family can thrive."
We ended up matching in Houston.
One other big decision that was made a year and a half ago was the decision to move to Houston with Dave. Dave thought I should stay home and be comfortable with friends, family, Calvin's school and a great life. He knew he'd be working super hard and that we wouldn't see him a lot. I thought we should all go together. I remember at one point Dr. Carter asked Dave what our plans were. Dave said, "Denise thinks we should all move, I think she should stay home." to which Dr. Carter replied, "sounds like you're all moving." One pivotal conversation I had while making this decision was with Valerie Sabin. I expressed my concerns about moving and the serious consequences that could follow if Calvin became unstable with the move. She reminded me that my #1 priority in life is my marriage. Come what may, our marriage needs to be strong enough to withstand any temptation or trial and face it together. I am so glad she reminded me of that so I could be sure that moving was right for the family. Because what's best for the family is having Dave and I together in our marriage.
Now that we've spent our year here we can see how richly blessed we have been. This fellowship has been so grueling for Dave. Quite miserable in fact, but it has provided the PERFECT training for him, especially in laser and epilepsy surgery, which made him such a valuable candidate coming into a very competitive job market. US News and World Report ranked Texas Children's #2 in Neurosurgery this year. Clinically it is the busiest and largest hospital in the country. His training has been unparalleled.
Meanwhile at home, after a somewhat rocky road for Calvin when we first moved, ridiculous "houston" problems with schools and other public services, we find that we are spectacularly happy here and will leave a large part of our heart here in Texas. We were blessed to find the perfect house on a great street, with an absolute angel (Mandy Hansen) next door. She has been a great friend to me and mentor to the girls. The adore her! We have so much fun in our neighborhood walking to friends houses, going to willow pool, willow waterhole and the park. In some ways I feel like we've stepped back in time to a slower paced simpler life. Part of that is my doing since we aren't signed up for anything, have few friends and obligations (such as baby showers, bday parties, etc). It has been great.
Calvin's schooling this year has been interesting. Though he was in 6th grade, they started him on the elementary school side of the school so that he'd have more support and he seemed to match those kids emotionally better than the middle school kids. There are 7 kids in elementary school, 7 kids in middle school. About 1/2 way through the year, Calvin was stable enough to move to middle school, at first for just a couple of classes a day and then by April it was all day. I didn't appreciate the significance of this until I met with the school principal a few weeks ago and he talked about what a unique and authentic test this was of Calvin's abilities. To his credit, Calvin stepped up to the plate and did perfectly well with the middle school class. Had they waited for him to be ready to excel there, he would never have been placed in the middle school. In a way , it was a leap of faith, and they fully expected that he wouldn't be able to do it. But he did! I am proud of him. We plan to return to the same school Calvin attended before we left SD but I am hoping that after he is settled in, we can move him to a program that is less restrictive and more challenging.
We are so thankful for Heavenly Father watching out for us, for bringing us to Houston, and for working out all the details to make this year so amazing for our family.
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